I don’t think there will ever be a day where I’ll be able to properly express myself verbally in any language. I love talking with people but I have come to terms with the fact that verbal communication is just not my thing.
Some background: I grew up in a bilingual home like a majority of people I know. My family spoke a mixture of English and Haitian Creole in the home. These days I can understand both perfectly well but I’m only confident in my English speaking abilities.
In middle and high school I learned Spanish like every person in Florida tends to do. By my senior year of high school, I was at a very good level of fluency. I could converse with native speakers and I was able to write essays on texts written in Spanish. Now I’m in my senior year of college and I can barely speak any Spanish. I can however, read and understand perfectly fine.
I am now currently learning Korean and have been for a few years. In terms of speaking ability, I think Korean is ranked number two out of four. This may just be because I’m currently taking the class so I have more opportunities to practice.
The problem: Although I can really only speak two out of four languages, I can understand all four. This causes me to think in all four languages which admittedly can be cool at times. However, I struggle when speaking to people because I can’t find a phrase in English that accurately depicts what I want to say. However, I’ll know the perfect phrase in Korean or in Haitian Creole that would get my point across.
I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to even be able to know all of these languages but life is a struggle. Especially because as an English major, we’re expected to eloquently express ourselves both verbally and on paper.
Maybe one day I’ll find a happy medium.
Until next time,
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